dating + love

What You Won’t Do For Love…

June 17, 2013

As of today, it’s been 395 days that I’ve been in a committed relationship. I’ve lived in a different city than my partner for all of those days. And 306 days have been spent on opposite coasts of the country.

This by no means is a favorable arrangement. But it’s the cards we were dealt. Committing to each other meant committing to making the distance factor work. A large part of that revolves around communication – both in quality (open, honest conversation) and quantity (connecting every day, several times a day thru various methods). The other part is spending time together in person. This, by far has proven to be the trickiest to manage – due to coordinating schedules, requesting time off from work, physically traveling to another state, and of course having the money to make such trips.

Despite the difficulty, we have yet to skip out on our regular monthly visits. And the time spent together make all the trouble well worth it.

At least it is to us. Not everyone agrees – some think we are crazy for sticking to this arrangement.

Whenever I meet new people and they learn of my bicoastal long distance relationship, they usually assume that we don’t see each other often and that it probably puts a strain on our relationship. But when I mention we see each other once a month, and take turns making the journey, people look at me like I endorsed Michelle Bachmann for Emperor of the Americas! Like it’s shocking that 2 people who love each other would sacrifice (time, money and energy) to be together! Imagine that…

The financial commitment for this arrangement is steep. Especially when most of our trips are only 3 days long. Neither of us makes a lot of money at this early stage in our careers. We have financial goals for investing in our individual and collective futures and this makes saving and investing almost impossible (without living like paupers). And the money spent to travel each month (as much as $800 a ticket) could be used to save for a wedding, a house, a vacation. But for us, our relationship is the most important investment.

Our time together is special and has enabled us to have the successful and nurturing relationship we have. The daily communication is great, but the one on one time is better. And while it sucks (I mean majorly blows muddy boar balls) to have a very limited supply of resources to support this expensive habit, it’s not a habit either of us feels compelled to kick. Hopefully we will be living in the same city very soon, but in the meantime this is our thing.

I love my better half and all the precious time we’ve had together. I don’t know how well we would have managed on longer delays but the money saved doesn’t seem more beneficial. And as long as I have even one dollar to my name, it will be used to literally bringing me closer to the love of my life.1 And that seems completely reasonable to me.

Have you ever made sacrifices in your relationship that people just didn’t understand and tried to make you feel crazy for doing?

Investing in my now,

1 Feel free to contribute to the Get Gemmie to her Habibi fund. Email me for donation details lol.

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  • Reply madscientist7 June 17, 2013 at 8:40 pm

    *starts slow clap as a single tear rolls down cheek*

    but seriously i feel the exact same way. all the money we spend now is well worth it and once we live in the same city all the money that we’ll be saving will do towards our future together. i love you babe. 🙂

    • Reply gemmieboo June 21, 2013 at 7:28 pm

      lol @ your slow clap. yeah, saving now would be awesome, but we’d still be making a huge sacrifice on the flip side. our happiness now is just as importance as our happiness later.

      thanks for making it worth it – i love you too babe! :-*

  • Reply Elle June 17, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    Awww..You guys are so sweet! I love it, and your love is inspiring 🙂

    • Reply gemmieboo June 21, 2013 at 7:28 pm

      thanks chica – that means a lot!

  • Reply Patricia Matthews June 17, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    Well! I do believe in love and the sacrifices that it sometimes entails…now, as an old lady, I can still remember how wonderful it is to be in love, and how much better that can be, if you get to see one another, face to face, every once in a while. BRAVO to you both…committment is committment and , in my book, a wise investment in your future…there will be no futherance of your relationship should you shirk this important element…so travel on!!!!
    Excellent post, by the way…:)

    • Reply gemmieboo June 21, 2013 at 7:30 pm

      thanks for the love, support, and encouragement! youve been there for the duds and now the one. and its great that you approve and adore my better half almost as much as i do 🙂

  • Reply msevahoney June 17, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    Love this! I think LDR’s are possible as long as both parties are all the way in. You guys are awesome!

    • Reply gemmieboo June 21, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      thanks so much boo! and yes, it def takes two. and everybody aint worth the investment. im just glad i found THE ONE who is 🙂

  • Reply Soula Powa June 17, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    Can I say that I love that you call him your better half. Congrats, I’m rooting for y’all.

    • Reply gemmieboo June 21, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      thanks homie – i appreciate it!

  • Reply Simply B June 17, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    Awww man I love you guys! I definitely understand what you’re going through and I commend your efforts.

    When the hubs and I started dating about 2 months later he deployed to Iraq for 8 months so as you can imagine I was a letter writing, care package mailing fool. It wasn’t easy, but somehow almost 11 years together 7 married , 4 deployments, 2 kids & 1 in the oven we’ve made it work.

    Good luck to you guys!

    • Reply gemmieboo June 21, 2013 at 7:32 pm

      thanks so much!! i didnt realize your hubby was in the military – i think its awesome you guys managed to keep the love alive even given the circumstances. its hard to be apart (especially when its not by choice, as in your situation). but you make it work and do what you have to to keep things on the up and up. congrats to you both for many years in and a great family to show for it 🙂

  • Reply Marcia June 20, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    i think it’s safe to say that you two are slowly restoring my faith in relationships on a whole. i may not be shouting it from the rooftops or contributing to your fund, but i stand behind and support you all 100%. Love your love…

    • Reply gemmieboo June 21, 2013 at 7:35 pm

      awwww sis thanks so much for the encouraging words. i hope you continue restore your faith in relationships. what happened before doesnt have to happen again. use the past as a stepping stone to something greater and better. *hugs*

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