dating + love

Setting A Standard

September 8, 2010

If you set the bar, he should clear it.

Guess what today is?!? HAPPY BLACK GIRL DAY!!!! *does a jig* If you don’t know about Happy Black Girl Day, you betta ask somebody, bay-beh. (For whatever reason, that line never gets old. Well, in my mind it’s forever young. Thanks, B.I.G…. and Hov.) But seriously, HBGD is exactly what it sounds like–a day to be happy in black-girlness. It’s an opportunity for black girls to take a minute to enjoy the skin and body they’re in, all the while speaking positivity into the lives of other black girls–young and old.

And though HBGD doesn’t directly relate to my topic for today, it still has some close ties. I shall explain…

Last weekend I had a date. This was no ordinary date. This date that resulted from my participation in “The Dating Game” at a function I attended recently. Three lucky bachelors had the opportunity to compete for my affection. Sounds cute right? Well, turns out I had a “spoof” round, and the contestants were all directed to say the most obnoxious answers. My favorite response was to a question about a perfect date: “I’d let you have my bus transfer, we’d go to McDonald’s, and I’d let you order anything off the dollar menu.” Charming. When it was time to choose the winner, my girls and other audience members helped me pick Contestant #3, who by far had the least ridiculous answers. Contestant #3 turned out to be a friend of mine who I’ve become cool with in my years here in PA. He was also the coordinator of “The Dating Game” (o_O). Nonetheless, I felt quite comfortable going on a date with C3 because he was a chivalrous kind of guy, always ready to impress, so I knew we’d have a good time and that he wasn’t likely to commit any of the dating no-no’s.

The Date

  • Dinner. Like the gentleman he is, C3 picked me up (walked to the door to get me, of course) and took me to his place. I was a tad confused when he led me up the elevator to his apartment. Little did I know that his apartment was where we’d eat. Because well… That’s where he cooked. Yes. Read that again. HE COOKED!!! The brotha cooked for me yall! Uber, major, one-hunit-thousand-trillion gold stars for C3! I was so impressed that he not only had the courage to cook on a first date, but that he cooked right in front of me so I could see the fruit of his labor! As if it were no big deal, he poured me a glass of Moscato and turned on Chris Rock’s Never Scared, and got to work. And though we stole laughs at the TV, we had a nice opportunity to get to know each other better (since most of our time together is spent partying). Before I knew it, the scallops were ready to be consumed–and boy do I love seafood! The whole meal was simple yet tasty. I’m still impressed.
  • Fun & Games.After finishing an entire large bottle of Moscato during dinner, we headed to Dave & Buster’s. I’m super competitive so I was slightly worried I’d let the ugly side of Gemmie come out. But we had tons of fun trash talking and competing for who could win the most tickets. Sadly, I got swept! But, being the great date he is, let me pick out a prize of my choosing to be purchased with our combined earnings. There wasn’t much to choose from with so few tickets (lol) but I got a purple beaded “Dora the Explora” bracelet. I’ve actually worn it a few times since that night lol #dontjudgeme
  • Drinks. We went to a fancy little restaurant in a cute part of the city to close the night out with a few drinks. We got a chance to talk some more and make predictions for the next set of @#$ whoopins that were to come in future game nights and/or special trips to D&Bs.
  • The Drop Off. C3 ended the date like a true friend and gentleman would–by walking me to my door, hugging me good night, and walking away. Don’t get me wrong, everything about this date was wonderful!! But it was what it was–a good time. No presumptions about it being anything more than 2 friends going out for a good time at the whim of a dating game. C3 couldn’t be more classy.

What I was most impressed about is that C3 went through the trouble of such a great date all at the whim of a game. Since we are friends with no expressed romantic interests in each other (though I think he’s a great and sexy guy), he could have easily just taken me out to dinner and fulfilled the date agreement from the game. Instead, C3 chose to treat me like a real date, as a woman he wanted to woo, and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. [He also may have wanted to make sure I went back and bragged about him to our mutual friends lol.] He kept saying throughout the night that he was trying to set the standard and make sure I got all the special treatment that a woman should get on a date. And THAT made me a very happy black girl!!

I’m a firm believer in chivalry (I don’t believe it’s dead) and being pursued/courted by men with a romantic interest in me. Yet, so often I tend to meet men who lazily go through the motions of dating. Perhaps because they don’t know better, or because they’ve been spoiled by women who aren’t willing to set some standards. Nonetheless, it was refreshing to be out with C3 and see a man putting forth so much effort. And that’s all most women really want–a man who takes initiative and makes a woman feel appreciated and special. The date doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, just something that shows thought was put into it, to make a good first impression.A new standard has been set.

What do you think? What makes a great first date? Should men go all out on a first date or save something for later? Ladies, have you been out with a guy who set a new standard of dating for you?

Being a Happy Black Girl,
~Gemmie

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4 Comments

  • Reply Tunde September 8, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    "I'm a firm believer in chivalry"you and me both. i take pride in being a chivalrous gentleman. i always have been. it's what feels right.i think the best dates are the most simple ones. glad you had fun.

  • Reply Helicase September 8, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    Cool story, kudos to this kat. As for what makes a first date great, it HAS to be interactive. Yea, we can go to dinner, but for first dates, I dodge the stodgy fancy restuarants and opt for a relaxing environment like BW3's, where we can offset the awkwardness and get to know each other by sharing a fun activity, and being as loud/relaxed as we want to be. Those usually have a greater propensity to lead towards subsequent dates, where it will be so much more enjoyable to watch her get her fancy on.His decision to cook, at his house, on the first date, was slightly risque. It's a cross between doing too much too soon, and taking you out of your comfort zone by setting you in his territory, but I think I dig it. It clearly worked.

  • Reply SaneN85 September 8, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    Soo, where does he live again? Just kidding… kind of.

  • Reply Cheekie September 9, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    I SO second Sane's question. lolBut, that was a lovely date! I don't necessarily expect by default for the first date to be the best date evah, but men definitely get extra cool points for going all out. I put a bit more importance on the (hopefully fun) time spent together and the connection.

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