growth + wellness

Resolving & Evolving

January 13, 2012

Gemmieboo back.

Well, kind of…

My last post was about football. I haven’t spilled my guts and revealed my inner most thoughts or feelings in many months. Not that I haven’t had anything to say. C’mon, it’s me, I always have tons to say! The issue is largely with time. And priority. So, I’ve neglected my little blog to try and focus my energies on my degree and my future job.

Well, kind of…

You see, up until recently, I haven’t actually been doing anything all that productive. Sure, I’ve made progress, and I’ve met deadlines, but you’d think with all this “time I don’t have to blog” would be put to better use. I feel emotionally and mentally fatigued and I lack the motivation to fully accomplish most tasks set before me (e.g. weight loss, paper publication, degree completion, etc). How do I turn this around?

Well, as fate would have it, last September I started reading “The Resolution for Women” by Priscilla Shirer for my women’s bible study. She starts the book off talking about her sensitivity towards resolutions, especially when you don’t/can’t always follow through on the goals and promises you set. This sensitivity towards resolutions seems to apply to a lot of people, especially during this time of year–the “new-year’s-resolution-haters” as I call them. As if there were anything wrong with some one setting goals for themselves to get back on track with a fresh start, after a holiday that encourages recklessness (in spending, eating, and not doing work). But anyway.

Here’s an excerpt from the 1st chapter:

Resolution: [rez-uh-loo-shun] n
a. the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
b. the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.

Right now–whether you realize it or not–you’re choosing to treat people a certain way, to stay committed to certain activities, to live a certain life, to be a certain kind of person, to not be a certain kind of person. Either way, you’ve made a decision. A spoken (or unspoken) declaration. A defining banner hangs over your life, written in the ink of your own choices. Others can read it, even if you can’t. You’re already a woman of resolutions. They’re making you who you are. They’re determining the life you’ll end up living, the tomorrow you’ll end up shaping.

Reading that hit me like a ton of bricks. I got to thinking about all the things I’ve resolved to do in my life, that I do daily and fairly consistently. And while there may be many things that I don’t feel I’ve committed to or followed through with, there are many others things that I’m resolved to doing! This is good news, and this seemingly minor revelation has inspired and motivated me!

I recognize some resolutions are easier for me than others, but I am not going to let my fear of epic failure to hinder me any longer. As a perfectionist, I’ve been far too eager to shy away from tasks I think are too risky or too challenging–not because I think I’ll fail, but because I don’t think I’ll be great. And if I can’t be great, what’s the point? But after a few years of worrying about not being the best, I’ve second guessed my ability to just be, and now my confidence in succeeding in general has diminished. It’s much easier to engage in tasks that I’m comfortable and capable of doing than tasks that will require work or sincere effort.

I’m tired of being lazy. I’m tired of taking the easy road. I’m tired of being timid. I’m tired of not accomplishing my goals (no matter how big or small) because of fear and apprehension.

I’m ready to be bold. I’m ready to regain my confidence. I’m ready to stop making excuses. I’m ready to succeed even in the face of failures.

I’m determined to be a better me. I’m determined to grow in my purpose. I’m determined to be a good daughter, sister, friend, companion, and [one day] wife and mother. I’m determined to make better choices, to break bad habits and to form good ones.

A change in mindset and subsequent behavior will take some time. And patience for me is a challenge in and of itself. But I’m already reaping the benefits of the payout and I feel good about the changes I’ve already made. This journey will be well worth the time and effort spent.

Resolved to evolve,
Gem

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18 Comments

  • Reply Wu Young, Agent of M.E. January 13, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Wow, you and TDA are heavy today.

    I understand what your saying because I had a similar conversation with myself about actually evolving and being better all around. With me I related it to football when a new coach comes in to take over a bad team. When Steve Spurrier took over at SC he said he wanted to change the culture. Well I want to change mine too. I’m not nearly the best I can be. Like you I want to exceed what I am now. No more procrastination. No more tomorrows. I’m pride myself on being ultra patient but I need to get some todays.

    You can do it Gemmie. Be a better Gem better is habitual.

    • Reply gemmieboo January 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

      its funny that TDA wrote what he did today, as he and i are going through similar trials.

      No more procrastination. No more tomorrows. I’m pride myself on being ultra patient but I need to get some todays.

      yess!!! completely agreed.

      yes, i can do it. and so can you. we got this!! better Gemmie and better Young is on the horizon. thanks for the encouragement

      • Reply Wu Young, Agent of M.E. January 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

        No problem. Not only am I the RGS’s hitter and office manager, I also serve as the guidance counselor.

      • Reply gemmieboo January 17, 2012 at 8:43 am

        No problem. Not only am I the RGS’s hitter and office manager, I also serve as the guidance counselor.

        CTFU! thats why we love you and keep you around and sh*t 😉

  • Reply MsEvaHoney January 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Glad to see you back and with resolve. it is not always easy to pull yourself out of a funk but it is so doable! i can’t wait to see what becomes of your resolve. i have to do it everyday and some days are harder than others. Know that we are all rooting for you love!

    • Reply gemmieboo January 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      thanks for the love and support, my dear!!! its a good feeling to know their are others looking out for me and wanting whats best for me, esp when i want whats best for me 🙂

  • Reply That Damn African January 13, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    “I’m tired of being lazy. I’m tired of taking the easy road. I’m tired of being timid. I’m tired of not accomplishing my goals (no matter how big or small) because of fear and apprehension.”

    *starts shouting*

    You know me and you are in the same struggle. The only difference is you’re about to be up out of here lol. But yeah, I know that we’re both already experiencing some positive changes occurring. We just have to keep moving forward with those changes and not slow down. Use the momentum we have now. It’s so easy to get comfortable and slow down or take it easy because we’re content with simply heading in the right direction, but it’s a very slippery slope back to where we started. But we have each other keeping us in line and sending encouragement. I think we’ll be just fine. 🙂

    • Reply gemmieboo January 17, 2012 at 8:45 am

      We just have to keep moving forward with those changes and not slow down. Use the momentum we have now… But we have each other keeping us in line and sending encouragement.

      friends who help make friends great are priceless. and im glad we have that kind of friendship!!! LETS GET GET GET IT!!!

  • Reply fourpageletter January 15, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    this was a great post!!!
    i missed ma gemmieboo!!!!

    i dont understand the idea/premise behind hating on people who make a choice to better themselves. but all you can do is control your thoughts and actions. move forward.

    its your life. with hard work, it’ll be a great one!!

    • Reply gemmieboo January 17, 2012 at 8:47 am

      thanks for reading kb. its nice to be missed *blushes*

      but all you can do is control your thoughts and actions. move forward.

      as a control freak, i struggle with this. but i am working on it and trying to mind my own self cuz myself clearly needs supervision lol

  • Reply madscientist7 January 16, 2012 at 9:11 am

    yeah i kinda missed your posts. either way glad to have you back.

    “I’m tired of being lazy. I’m tired of taking the easy road. I’m tired of being timid. I’m tired of not accomplishing my goals (no matter how big or small) because of fear and apprehension.

    I’m ready to be bold. I’m ready to regain my confidence. I’m ready to stop making excuses. I’m ready to succeed even in the face of failures.”

    all of this. i haven’t had any resolutions in a minute. i just want to do and be better. i know what i have to do in order to make that happen. great post. 🙂

    • Reply gemmieboo January 17, 2012 at 8:49 am

      yeah i kinda missed your posts.

      kinda?? smh…. thanks for reading and commenting. i guess. (lol jk)

      i think most of us (and by us i mean those of us who have achieved a certain level of educational and professional success) want to be better. its having a plan of action and actually following through on it is whats key. and being around other motivated ppl who are on the move is super encouraging.

  • Reply I Am Your People January 19, 2012 at 1:15 am

    Yaaay! Gemmie’s back!

    • Reply gemmieboo January 19, 2012 at 10:28 pm

      thank you, thank you *takes a bow*

  • Reply Nikki Bee (@nikkib1920) January 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Lordy, ya’ll are just preaching to me to get off my arse and do what it is I am supposed to do. *sigh*

    welcome back.

  • Reply Unplugged « That's What GEM Said January 31, 2012 at 12:59 am

    […] iSupport…. « Resolving & Evolving […]

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