dating + love growth + wellness

“Me Date” Summer Initiative

June 15, 2011

On Monday I decided to take myself on a “me-date”. I really wanted to see Kung Fu Panda 21 but none of my friends had expressed any interest to see it and I didn’t want to have to twist any arms. So I decided to go to the movies solo dolo. This was only the second or third time I’ve ever gone to the movies by myself.

Now, I don’t think a me-date is to be confused with “me-time,” where you take time out to do something for yourself, like going to the spa, hair or nail salon, shopping, a coffee shop to read, etc. I consider a me-date to be time spent alone to do something that you would ordinarily do in the company of others, like going to dinner, a movie, a play, etc. The reason I think a me-date should involve going solo on an outing that is typically done with others–be they friends or a lover–is because it challenges you to be comfortable being by yourself in a setting that is generally socially engaging.

I’m a very social person by nature and I love to talk and share my thoughts/opinions. Which, I’m sure, comes as a major surprise to all of you (LOL). As a social butterfly, I am constantly trying to get my friends or colleagues together to go out to eat, to the movies, to various cultural events, or just getting together in the comfort of one of our homes to [insert reason here]. I have great friends and I enjoy spending time with them.

But often times I think I use time with my friends as a crutch to not feel lonely. It’s almost as if I’m afraid to do certain activities because I don’t want to bring attention to the fact that I’m alone and my loneliness to be exposed. Logically speaking, I’m sure nobody is paying that much attention to my solo self, but my insecurities get the best of me at times.

That said, I’m trying to get more comfortable with going on me-dates. I’m usually waiting on other people to go out and do things of interest. And sometimes this hinders me from doing what I really want to do because I don’t have anyone to do them with. I’m missing out on so many great outings because I feel like I have to have some one with me to enjoy myself. Why can’t I take the initiative to do things on my own?

So, as a result of my most recent me-date, I’m now determined to try something NEW (no Sanaa Lathan)!!!  While I was determined to spend last summer preparing to meet all these new men and go on all these dates, this summer I’m going to focus on spending time with me and enjoy my own company–much like Miss Patterson is doing in her Gigi Experiment. I’ve decided to take myself on at least 2 me-dates a month (more if the finances permit) doing things I’ve never done by myself–dinner at a restaurant, visiting a museum, attending a play, seeing a Cirque du Soleil2 show. I’m looking forward to getting out of my comfort zone and enjoying my own company out in public. So let the me-dating game begin!!! o/

What do you think about me-dates? Ladies, have you ever taken yourself on a me-date? Guys, is a me-date even something you would consider? Do you have any suggestions for me on places to go or things to do for my me-dates?

Starting a love affair with myself,
Gemmie’s Boo

1I LOVED the first Kung Fu Panda (which my girlfriends took me to see for my birthday when it was out). The sequel was just as hilarious and cute as the first. I definitely recommend it 🙂
2If you haven’t witnessed Cirque du Soleil, you are SERIOUSLY missing out!!!! Please do yourself a favor and get to a show near you!! Well worth the $$$

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  • Reply Starita34 June 15, 2011 at 1:14 am

    Girl, I skipped work on Monday to spend more time with me! Lol I had a two day conference on Saturday and Sunday and I just couldn’t do it on Monday. So I spent all day relaxing in bed, talking to a friend, drifting in and out of sleep. I did manage to get a shower in there and took my fresh smelling ass to the movies. Bridesmaids, I recommend it. I even scored, I’m a good date. 😉

    Then tonight, I took myself out to my favorite sushi bar. Had a drink and some great food.

    If you’re not dating me, you’re losing. And I’m a winner; it’s that simple. and I almost always put out after dates with me lol

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 11:37 am

      omg i love that you skipped work for a me-date!!! that spontaneous hooky me-date sounds like heaven 🙂

      I even scored, I’m a good date.
      lmao omg Star you are hilarious. but in all honesty, i always score after a me-date!!! what better way to end a me-date with some self love??? #score

      If you’re not dating me, you’re losing. And I’m a winner; it’s that simple.
      this statement is PERFECTION!!! *high five*

  • Reply MsEvaHoney June 15, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Me dates are awesome. I have not had one in a while. I should set that up soon lol!

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 11:39 am

      do it! do it!! and report back. thanks 🙂

  • Reply ellemarie360 June 15, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I love my Me dates! I try have one at least once a month. It’s about that time to have another date with the fabulous ME! lol

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 11:41 am

      yes, you are FABULOUS!! and i love that you do me-dates on a regular. thats whats up. im gonna get there soon!

  • Reply Phidelity15 June 15, 2011 at 10:51 am

    I stay going on me-dates. I went to see Bridesmaids and Hangover 2 all by myself…well I tweeted some stuff so ya’ll was there..but you get my point.

    I started my me-dates for similar reasons as you Gemmie, people don’t always want to do what you want to do. When I first started, I was living in SC and I had my busted hooptie and two part time jobs so I had a lil cash. All of my friends were home in their respective states for the summer and the ones who lived in SC had other stuff going on so they couldnt always hang.

    My thinking was and is, why shouldn’t I be able to go out and shake my ass, watch this movie, have that steak or drink that drink? Just because my friends can’t afford to go, don’t want to go or can’t find a babysitter?!?! Hell no…I’m still gonna go.

    When I was younger I used to even front the money for excursions for my friends because I wanted them to share in whatever moment I wanted to create. Now if you can’t go, then sorry for you I’ll tell you how it was and maybe you can check it out later.

    I don’t even feel two types of ways about going out by myself now. Actually just this past Saturday I left the house and didnt tell my sis where I was going and she stalked me all. damn. day. I mean facebook APB’s and had friends calling me to see where I was any erything. It was hilarious to me, but sometimes you just want to do something for you and without anyone knowing or being involved and potentially ruining it for you.

    I hope you have fun on your me-dates. Don’t worry about how you look to other people (because I know sometimes that thought may pop up) just enjoy whatever you want to do. And remember the +s of going to the movies by yourself, you don’t have to worry about finding two seats!!! Okayyyyyyy lol

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm

      sis, you def strike me as the type of person to do your own thing and come/go as you please. and i sooooo admire that!!! while im not generally likely to go to a club/lounge seen on my own, i def want to try it and see how i fair.

      i may be moving to a city where i know NO ONE but my potential boss. and im trying to get used to the idea of just going out solo and being comfortable (considering im taking all necessary safety precautions). heck, i may even be riding out solo for regional convention this wknd in Atlantic City since im not going to some of the events my chapter sorors are going to.

      you’ve really inspired me, sawrah!!!! thank you *BIG HUG*

      And remember the +s of going to the movies by yourself, you don’t have to worry about finding two seats!!! Okayyyyyyy lol
      LOL!!! HOLLA!!

  • Reply Euphoric Ears June 15, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Glad to see more people embracing Me Dates. I always go to the movies by myself or out to eat. Event went to a play by myself…and I don’t care. Sometimes it’s just better that way. Don’t have to be concerned if someone is enjoying themselves and what not. It’s all about me! And if I wanna do something I do it! The only thing I don’t do (though its highly recommended for meeting men) is go to a bar or lounge alone. That just screams danger to me.

    • Reply Phidelity15 June 15, 2011 at 12:33 pm

      I’ve gone to a couple clubs by myself and I had a blast. Its not too dangerous if you just are aware of your surroundings and keep it simple.

      Don’t drink over your limit to avoid having one of those nights where you don’t have your peoples to hold your purse and hair. And especially if you drive, you want to be able to get yourself home with no problems so I usually stick to one strong drink and one corona.

      Maybe try a bar or lounge you’ve gone to previously with friends. Something you’ve frequented often and you may or may not be on a first name basis with the bouncer or bartender, but they definitely know your face.

      Always go somewhere where the tunes are good. I always frequented this lil reggae club by myself where the music was good and the main objective of everyone in there was to get a good dub in. Basically I had my drink and two step with a slow whyne going on and never had a problem.

      • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 2:59 pm

        i think these are all GREAT suggestions for going clubbing solo dolo!!!!

        def gotta put safety first. and i think going somewhere where people know your name (Cheers!) is a good idea. you’ont wanna be some place unfamiliar and then end up on a milk carton.

        thanks for the advice, sis!!! im def gonna get a club scene in solo soon!

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 2:57 pm

      i too have gone to a few plays by myself. and though i LOVE contemplating the artistry of it all afterwards (just as with movies), theres nothing more rewarding than doing something i wanna do because i wanted to do it and not worrying about if some one can roll with me or if they even like that sort of thing *shrug*

  • Reply Mae June 15, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Well I will be spending a lot of time doing some me- dates this summer, I’m moving to a city where I only know my 80 year old grandma. So I will be spending a lot of time with myself. Which is going to be different because I’m very social, I’m the go to girl among my friends of finding things to do. I’m a little scared of moving to moving to Chicago where I know absolutely no one, but I feel like this is my Mary Tyler Moore moment I need to take it.

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 3:01 pm

      i wish you all the best on your move and your me-date time!!! you have to report back and let us know how your me-dates in your new residence go 🙂

      Chicago is a huge city so you’ll meet some cool ppl to hang with real quick. one of my best friends lives there and i love going out when im in town. good times!

  • Reply madscientist7 June 15, 2011 at 11:56 am

    first, i loved the first kung fu panda and i will be seeing the second.

    i embrace me dates. i’m a movie buff and its hard having friends who are not so into movies. last summer i saw so many movies and i went alone. i used to spend a half a day at the theaters. i would buy a movie ticket at 1pm or so and see 3 movies. i would just leave one movie and go see the next. and so forth. (its wrong but with movie prices the way they are i really didn’t feel so bad).

    one thing i can’t do is go out to eat by myself. that just seems a little awkward to me.

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 3:04 pm

      you liked KFP too?!?!?! yayyyyy!! 🙂

      im glad to hear omen do me-dates too. it seems like most of my guy friends prefer to roll out solo anyway, and if ppl happen to want to come along or meet up, then thats entirely on them.

      i also havent eaten in public by myself (again because i LOVE to talk, esp over a meal). but i have lots of friends who have done it and say its quite nice. depending on the type of establishment, some bring a book to read, or something else to keep them occupied.

      i am not used to just being alone and reflective outside of my home so i think time to meditate over a nice dining-out meal would be fun and relaxing

      • Reply madscientist7 June 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

        yep i definitely did. come to think about it, i saw that movie alone as well.

        reading a book over dinner? now that seems creepy to me.

      • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 10:25 pm

        lol try it. i plan to

  • Reply The Heavy Weight Lover June 15, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    I like the concept of Me-Dates (although for a guy I would have to call it something else lol). I went on one when I was in Grad school and it was peaceful and nice. I won’t mind doing it again in the near future. Its a nice way to get to know and understand yourself better.

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 3:10 pm

      (although for a guy I would have to call it something else
      LOL nope sorry. a me-date is a me-date. just accept it. its ok. its unisex 🙂

      def take some time out to take yourself on a date. feel free to report back 🙂 i’d love to hear how it goes!

  • Reply That Damn African June 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Not usually a me-date type person, but I do enjoy alone time. Went to the movies by myself for the first time a month ago. It was completely on a whim. I was leaving lab & decided that I was going to go to the movies on a solo mission. I could easily have found someone to go with, but wanted to see how it felt. Had a nice time not feeling the need to talk to anyone before, during, or after.

    I’ve been planning on doing more me-date activities, but I usually end up just chilling in my apartment. I’m a cheap date lol.

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 3:12 pm

      I’m a cheap date
      LMAO!!! i see…

      well i think you should take yourself out a few times this summer. nothing expensive, but something out in public, just you and your bald head.

      like i told the others, feel free to report back with the results 🙂

  • Reply Shondriette June 15, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    I fully support me dates! If you don’t enjoy your own company who else will. I starting going to the movies alone in law school. I like going with other people but sometimes I don’t feel like being bothered. I also don’t mind eating alone at restaurants but I’ll admit that I bring a book.

    I need to schedule a date with myself soon. It’s been a while…

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 3:13 pm

      i love that even though you have a man, you still see the need/importance in me-dates. thats whats up!!

      p.s. LOVE your avi and that cute short cut of yours!! 😉

  • Reply Shondriette June 15, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    P.S–Kung Fu Panda 2 was great! It had some dark moments but it was mostly hilarious 🙂

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 3:15 pm

      true indeed. i am so happy i saw it on the big screen in 3D–i treat myself well on dates!!!

  • Reply keishabrown June 15, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    funny enough, yesterday i was amped to hit xmen by myself..and my coworker decided to tag along. -_-. lol
    but i think having time to just BE is so important.

    when i get a hot foot, i grab some us dollars, the passport and leave the country. my last solo trip was to do some shopping on black friday, and i love it. turned off the data (well off and on), woke when i wanted, came and went when i wanted. i was at peace. and rejuvenated.

    im LONG overdue…

    • Reply gemmieboo June 15, 2011 at 10:27 pm

      but i think having time to just BE is so important.

      i have never traveled by myself. the closest to being alone is during my flight. then i immediately hook up with family or friends once i touch down. i may travel to canada on my own, since ive always wanted to go and im tired of waiting on my friends to say they’ll go with me.

      you inspire me, kbeezy!!

  • Reply tdlove June 19, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    I’m all about “me-dates” ..well more like “me-outings”.

    I go for three reasons: 1. There are things that I like to do that others don’t. 2. I often like to observe others. 3. Oakland is SOOO beautiful that staying in my house seems like such a waste of LIFE.

    So, for these times I tend not to dress up or anything. I tend to be incognegro. I go to restaurants that aren’t typical date spots and I usually carry around a favorite book and hang out at cafe’s while waiting for my movie to start.

    I wonder guys find women who go solo intimidating? (I haven’t read all of your comments, so if this has been addressed, already I apologize.) 🙂

  • Reply Cheekie June 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    “It’s almost as if I’m afraid to do certain activities because I don’t want to bring attention to the fact that I’m alone and my loneliness to be exposed. Logically speaking, I’m sure nobody is paying that much attention to my solo self, but my insecurities get the best of me at times.”

    This IS SOOOOO true. Even though I have gone to the movies solo a lot of times (mostly because I usually want to see movies that most folks ain’t interested in and/or I kinda just want to enjoy the movie without the distraction of peoples), I can feel this like a mug. I am always super aware of folks when I’m alone (which, you have plenty of time to do without the distraction of people) so I definitely feel the “eyes” on me, whether imaginary or not. lol

    Much luck on your experiment, girl!

  • Reply Ade January 25, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    Just finding your blog and I love it. I had to comment on this post seeing as how I am the spokeperson for ‘me dates.’ Last summer was one of the best mainly because of my me dates. I went to the movies twice a month, happy hour at some new restaurants in the area, and of course lunch/dinner at a few of my favorite spots. Nobody is going to treat me better than me and you should enjoy being by yourself.

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