growth + wellness

Guest Post: Learning To Forgive Yourself

July 30, 2010

**Written by MsEsquire77**

I’m my own worst critic. It’s cliché but true… *sigh* When I make a mistake I beat myself up over it. I struggle with taking compliments and often talk about myself in a way that would get a stranger slapped for saying the exact same words. It’s gotten so bad that my BFF had to say, “Please stop talking about my best friend that way.” I’ve tried to stop but I’m constantly finding something to criticize myself about: my skin, my weight, the state of my finances, my effectiveness at work, etc. No area of my life is safe from destructive criticism. However, there’s hope for me yet!

I recently read a quote from Sara Lucado (daughter of author Max Lucado*) which read, “Don’t have any thoughts about yourself that God wouldn’t have about you.” How powerful is that! Especially knowing that God loves me and considers me part of “a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people”**. It also reminded me of this verse:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Proverbs 18:21

Keeping these things in mind I’ve decided to forgive myself for all of my faults and past mistakes. Instead of harping on my negatives I’m determined to start speaking positivity into my life. Do I have things I need to work on to improve me? Definitely! However, verbally abusing myself doesn’t do anything to make things better. I’ve decided to devote more of my time to making plans and progress and less of it complaining and becoming stagnant.

On my refrigerator I have the following passage from Marianne Williamson’s book, “Return to Love”.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This needs to be my personal motto and the same can probably be said for some of you. With that said, your homework assignment for today (and your lifetime): forgive yourself! It may be hard but it’s necessary.

I love you, you love me (No Barney),
Shondriette

—–
*I love him! Read his book “Fearless: Imagine Your Life without Fear”. It’s a great book and encourages you to “Pray More. Worry Less.”
**1 Peter 2:9 “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light”

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9 Comments

  • Reply Gem of the Ocean July 30, 2010 at 4:28 am

    shonny shon,thank you sooooo much for guest blogging for me today!!! i really appreciate your willingness to share a piece of you here at thatswhatgemsaid. i think this is a great post!! sometimes i think we pick at ourselves and judge ourselves harshly so that when some one else comes along its easier to deal with any judgments thrown our way–since we've conditioned ourselves to know "sistagirl you are NOT all that!" i too have struggled with forgiving myself and trying not to dwell on my faults/mistakes/bad decisions. its bad enough we as women face so much criticism, but to beat ourselves up?! thats just crazy! if God can forgive and forget me for being the wretch that i am on a daily basis, surely i can forgive myself. i have so much to offer this world and how can the greatness in me shine through if im blocking the beams? love you sis *hugs*

  • Reply Shondriette July 30, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Thanks Gemmie! I love you back and have a fabulous vacation 🙂 *hugs*

  • Reply max July 30, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Oh Shonnerz this was beautiful. I adore that Marianne Williamson quote. Kudos to you for making an effort to speak more positivity into your life. I know you will reap big rewards.Love you!

  • Reply Shondriette July 30, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    I'm great with encouraging & supporting other people but I kind of suck when it comes to doing it for myself. It's a struggle but I'm trying :)I love you too Maxi!

  • Reply Sukez July 30, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Oh my. Ladies I loved this. I really really wish I could be as positive as you when I grow up. And as much as I've grown in the past few months, I have a lot left to do. If God can forgive me, I don't know why it's so hard to forgive myself. “Don't have any thoughts about yourself that God wouldn't have about you.”I'm going to write that on a postcard and stick it on my corkboard of inspiration. I might just do a post about that. *sigh* Now I have a lot to think about. Thank you both for this post.

  • Reply SaneN85 July 30, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    This was a really great post, Shonnerz. I really do need to remember to be more forgiving of myself and more positive in general. *slow clap*

  • Reply Thomas July 31, 2010 at 5:33 am

    I have a really hard time with this issue. I've been trying a long time, without much success…

  • Reply Shondriette July 31, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    @Suki: Baby girl, positivity doesn't come easy but needs to be cultivated over time. Try to make as many good choices as you can during the day and remember to love yourself.@Sane: I love you and thanks for the *slow clap*!@Thomas: Change is hard so I've recruited my family and friends to help me. Whenever I say something crazy about myself they check me and I reign it in. Use the people in your life to help you make better choice. Also, never forget the power of prayer. What you can't do on your own God can do with His limitless power. Just ask him to help you 🙂

  • Reply Cheekie August 3, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Had to slide through here and show you some love, MsEsquire! Terrific post, and very inspiring. We all need that from time to time. *hugs*

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