Admittedly, I had a difficult time writing a recap this week. Perhaps I’m still wallowing in the anger stage of grief or I’m just over worked and don’t have the mental capacity to be witty and fun 3 times in a row. Thanks to @ethiopianboy I had some inspiration to draw from at the last minute.
Nonetheless, this was quite an interesting week of football (OK, so they ALL are). The NFL’s new hitting rules exposed just how big a p*ssies some players can be as evidenced by some of the weak and even missed hits I witnessed in almost every game. These guys act as if they were incapable of playing the same hard hitting, LEGAL football they’ve been taught to play. Playing smart isn’t the same as playing like a b*tch so–MAN UP!
Now, for your NFL moments of Zen…
The We Still Don’t Believe You Bowl
- Garrard being taken out the game definitely gave KC the advantage to go in for the kill. The jury’s still out on whether or not the Chefs are true contenders or deserve a show on the Food Network for cooking up one helluva okie doke.
The Drive Andy Reid Bat Sh*t Crazy Bowl
- Looks like Ricky Bobby’s dad some oldie but apparently goodie backup QB marinated in Bengay all week because he sho did drop down and got his Eagle on and put Philly to shame.
- Sorry, Kolb, but if you’re not first you’re handing your job back over to Ron Mexico and sent to saddown in the FML corner.
- @PMSing247: Vick mad! He debating on buying 2 pits this evening or not…..
The Who Authorized This Bowl
- BMore may have beaten a winless team and BW3 > Buffalo Bills, but I respect the Bills game. Not even Killer Ray and the possibility of being carried off to a boarded-up row house scared the Bills out of having the top passer, rusher, and receiver of the game. I think they’re better than most of the 1-5/1-6 teams. I predict they take down Los Tigres in a few weeks. #YouHeardItHereFirst
- @JeauxAlejandro: The Bills out here on Opposite Day. Wow.
The Embarrass the SB Champs Bowl
- The Browns (yes, the Browns) beat the defending champs in convincing fashion. The Browns’ (yes, the Browns) defense son’d the hell out of the Saints by doing nothing but being the Browns (yes, the Browns). Nuff said.
- No, wait, there’s more…. While the pitiful rookie McCoy only put a measly 74 passing yds on the board, Brees goes up on the wall of shame with 4 INTs. Tsk tsk tsk.
- P.S. The only way for NOLA to get their mojo back is to return Kim to Reggie. Trust me, this is the ONLY way to restore the winning WHODAT balance.
The Turnover Bowl
- The Skins and Bears were in a gritty, me-me-me battle to figure out whose offense was worse. Warrior Jay Cutler made sure Da Bears won that fight by throwing 4 INTs to DeAngelo Hall. Jay–how does it feeeeeel? After the game, Carlos Rogers was heard asking Hall, “You’re allowed to catch those??”
- Skins backup QB Grossman, had this to say after the game “Chicago, how my ass taste?”
- @Stareagle: If Jay Cutler’s wife asks him to pass the salt at dinner tonight, DeAngelo Hall will intercept it.
- @sportsguy33: I’m not kidding – this Redskins-Bears game is so bad that I think it just gave Troy Aikman a concussion. Is that possible?
- @josephedwards: That football must be covered with jermaine jacksons hairgrease. This is the sloppiest game I’ve ever seen
The Receiver Showdown Bowl
- The spotlight was definitely not on the not-so-dynamic duo since White stole the show.
- That said, there’s something very prophetic about Batman and Robin being reality TV stars on a network notorious for showcasing washed up celebrities. Sadly, TOcho putting up more numbers on field than their combined viewer ratings was no match for that ATL stomp.
- @garyowencomedy: T.O. pushed that black db away like he pushes those black women away.
The Underachieving in South Beach Bowl
- Miami has managed to win ALL their away games and none of their home games. See what happens when you take your talents to South Beach? You get punk’d.
- Sidenote: Am I the only one who thought that if there had been a bathroom sign and a drunken sorority girl at the goal line that Big Ben would have undoubtedly scored? No. Ok, nevermind…
The Race to Not Be Last Bowl
- Carolina got their first win against a team who got their first win just last week. Now they’re tied for 2nd to last place along with De Lions. Please excuse me while I try to contain my excitement (o_O).
The STFU Bowl
- Overlooking actual facts and standings, Raheem Morris declared the Bucs the best team in the NFC after their win over the Ram, I repeated, the RAMS. Riiiiiight (o_O). And 50 Tyson is the King of Football Playing Rappers, #doe. I ain’t gon lie but… Raheem, you need more people.
The Irrelevant Bowl
- Seahawks beat the Cards. Aaaaaaand that’s it. People continue to go about their lives and not care about either team.
The Perfect Weather Bowl
- Tis true–the Bolts need to be recharged. They keep f*cking around with Duracell when everyone knows Energizer keeps the party goin… and going… and going.
- Despite having the top passing yds, total offense AND total defense (yes, you read that right), the Chargers manage to be the most tragic team in the league. And we all know what happens when you combine exceptional talent, clueless leadership, and squandered opportunities… they’re commonly known as “Tyler Perry films.”
- @sportsguy33: “Dear Norv: Here’s our official resignation letter again. Please take it this time, we are not kidding. Sincerely, the Chargers.”
The Who’s Your Daddy Bowl:
- Jason “Why-The-Hell-Did-The-Redskins-Waste-A-First-Round-Draft-Pick-On-Him” Campbell and Company were back in business (word to E-40) against one of Snoop’s pop warner teams. Oh wait, that was the Broncos? My bad.
- Josh McDaniels is apparently purposefully trying to crash and burn the Broncos so a Christ-like savior (the Almighty Tebow?) can deliver them from the ashes. Perhaps McDaniels should ask Kanye if he could borrow Selita, the Runaway Phoenix. Once he figures out the hell the “Runaway” is.
The Sick & Shut-In Bowl:
- Despite GB missing half of its team due to injuries, the decaying Favre managed to find plenty of Packers to throw to. Guess The Four wanted to show his former team a little love and appreciation.
- At least A Rodge can tell his mom he beat a 1-legged, 41 year old perv. #winning
The Beat A Dead Horse Bowl:
- If it wasn’t clear before, the Cowboys are done. And the nail in the coffin? Kitna as starting QB next week—yikes! Somewhere Wade Phillips is eating his feelings while Jerry Jones is getting surgery to get his face to express disappointment.
- @BlkSportsOnline Cowboys are going straight Roberto Duran…#nomas
Final thoughts?? The #iNFLception is back in full effect and taking prisoners!!!
- @PGH_Pirate: #Ravens are getting raped by the #Bills and the #Browns are stomping on the #Saints! #SomethingsNotRight
- @thetillshow: Colt McCoy bodied the champs. Bills hang w/ the Ravens. Chiefs put up 40 on JAX. The end is near.