Well, I know I’ve been MIA (no Dolphins) but I’m back. It’s a little late but I’ve finally managed to put last week’s recap together to post before the new year. Enjoy!
- Niners continued to get their butts kicked when they entered my hometown to play my Bolts. Thanks for giving us another win, San Fran, the less work we have to do the better. [Insert wildly forceful pelvic thrust here]
- Background story: I got food poisoning Saturday night and spent most of Sunday in a coma on my parent’s couch. I managed to sleep through my mother’s yells at the TV, clearly unhappy with how the game was going (she’s a Vick stan). When I finally regained consciousness, I assumed the game was over when I saw that the Eagles were 21pt behind in the 4th quarter. Then the unthinkable happened: Mike $(^%ing Vick. Talk about going hard in the MFing paint. S.M.D.H! I could NOT believe my eyes. Hell, I still don’t! There’s NO reason for one man to throw for 2 TDs and run for 1 in the last 7min of a game to tie the score. ON TOP OF THAT you have DeSean Jackson’s 65yd punt return for a TD in the last few milliseconds to WIN the game. New Miracle at the New Meadowlands INDEED!!!!!
- This game just provides one more (of MANY) reasons why (a) they say “it ain’t over til it’s over” and (b) the NFL>>>>NBA. This can’t be argued because you would be WRONG. #truth
- Sidenote: DeSean, while clearly a beast, needs to learn some discipline. His little endzone stunts aren’t cute when you consider how, in the past, they’ve cost him badly. Why risk it? Just do your damn job and leave the horse play to Zenyatta. #Ninjas
- Not even Eli Manning could get any respect or attention after the game. Nobody was checkin for him or the rest of the team that got BAMBOOZLED! Mmph mmph mmph #clowned
- @MrRefinement: 28 points in 7 min. Giants don’t even need to be in the playoffs. I’m dead serious. U can’t even do that in madden.
- And the Bills do it again (!!!), getting their 4th win in 6 games over the Dolphins. I’m so proud! *tear*
- In other news, the Dolphins still haven’t quite figured out how to win at home. How are you 6-1 on the road but 1-6 at home? It’s just disrespectful to the fans is what it is.
- Titans and Texans go head to head again after only 3wks. Titans won this go-round. But sadly, there was no toe-to-toe, impromptu fights of note. Damn.
- My boo Peyton managed to lead the Colts in a 34-24 victory over the Jags with 2 TDs and NO INTs!! *jumps for joy* My boo is really back!!!
- Colts managed to hold Maurice Drews-Jones to only 46yds. Quite a feat!
- Fun fact: Jags have never won 2 consecutive games against the Colts.
- The DEE-troit Lions beat the Tampa Bay Bucs in OT. Nope, we weren’t misreading the score updates on our screens. Our eyes were not playing tricks on us. Dee-troit’s 4th win at the end of the season was against a WINNING team.
- The Bucs—who are NOT the best team in the NFC, btw, Raheem—allowed the Lions to break their 26-road game losing streak, the longest in NFL history. WOW! Waytago, Busters Buccaneers. *smdh*
- For all the jokes I had about Rex Grossman the last time he showed his face on the field, I was not prepared for him to throw 4 TDs, and bring the Redskins close to beating the Cowboys. Especially when the Skins were down 27-7 in Q3. Excuuuuuuuuuse me, Rexy.
- But, in true Rex Grossman fashion, he blew the end of the game by throwing an INT. *shrugs* That’s the Rex we expected….
- As for Donovan…. *sigh* I can’t feel sorry for a man who won’t stand up for himself and grow a set. How can he claim to feel disrespected by Mike Shanahan and the Skins org but not want to leave? Donovan, I just…. can’t with you. *smdh*
- Purple Pigeons got a HUGE win over SB champs Saints by breaking their 6 game winning streak.
- The Cool Brees just wasn’t enough for Waka Flacco and his squad. #Womp
- The Panthers won their 2nd game of the season. I repeat, Panthers won their 2nd game of the season. Who the hell woulda thunk it?!?! Not I.
- Panther’s QB Clausen got his 1st win in 8 starts by throwing his 2nd TD pass of the season. Second. WOW! Congrats, kid.
- So uhhhh Cards, as is customary around here, you know I GOTTA ask…. how does it feeeeeel? #Embarrassing (I’m sure)
- The Bengals won another game. But it was no thanks to Ochocinco (2 catches, 36yds) or Carson Palmer (no TDs). Cleveland, yall really dropped the ball (pun potentially intended) on that game *smh*
- Atlanta’s 8th straight win over Seattle allowed the Falcons to be the first team in the NFC to clinch a spot in the playoffs. Dirty Birds flyin’ high on the rise!
- The lead up to this Jets/Steelers game was great. Even though I was going to be in SD, my labmates and I prepped by having a Nacho/Dilfer/[fill in random noun] fest and reading Nacho/Rex/Big Ben funnies by KissingSuzyKolber.com. The guys had even planned to host a Nacho Bowl to watch the Jets/Steelers game while eating actual nachos and talking smack! Welp…. somewhere, my Steeler-fan labmate is still crying a river over his stale nachos. Oops L
- Well, Nacho may be a mediocre QB (against Pitt he only threw for 170yds and no TDs), he didn’t throw any INTs and led the Jets over the Steelers.
- In other news, we will be replacing Nacho/Dilfer/Chimpanzee with Nacho/Dilfer/Baked Potato this week. Correctly guess who the following statement applies to: I am better with sour cream. (answer below)
- Though Tom Brady only threw for 163yds and TDs, he led the Patriots into a 31-27 victory over the Packers.
- Not for nothing, Matt Flynn held his own in place of concussed QB A-Rodge, throwing for 251yds and 3 TDs, his first in the league. Congrats, Matt!! Next time, don’t give up the ball in the red zone and your team just might beat the likes of those MFing Patriots, K?
- Did you SEE that 71yd kick return by Pats’ 313lb Dan Connolly? O. M. G! Longest kick return by a lineman—fat man CAN run, apparently. #WhoKnew?
- Thanks to awesome fans who volunteered to clean up the deserted University of Minnesota football stadium, the Vikings got to lose their last home game at a home away from home (Metrodome) against the Bears.
- Short of death, there really isn’t anything that would have kept Lorenzo “Wrangler Jean Wearing” Favre from starting this game (not even a sprained shoulder). A head injury in the 2nd quarter put his “old, cold and in pain” (the commentators roasted the HELL outta The Four with that comment *smh*) a$s back on the sideline where he belonged. #Saddown
- Word to the wise: Don’t kick to Devin Hester. Ever.
- Twitter buzz:
Yours Truly (and Outrageously),
~Gemmers the Slacker
Nacho/Dilfer/Baked Potato Answer:
Another trick question! BOTH Nacho and the Baked Potato are better with sour cream J