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Gem’s NFL (No Freakin Lockout) Week 7 Recap

October 28, 2011

The Sideline of Doom, where reputations go to crash and burn....

*deep sigh* Can some one please explain to me what in da hayle is goin on?! A week of backup QB (and backup QB’s backups) starts, blowouts, and upsets. I mean, 1st the Fat Boys break up, now this. There’s nothing to believe in anymore SMDH…

The Recap

  • Ok, let’s just get this out the way—Indy endured the most DEVASTATING loss at the hands of sadists New Orleans. Do I really need to say anymore about a game that was 62-7?
  • YES, yes I do. Can someone please call the authorities and report the Saints for public displays of excessive brutality? And basically breaking my boo Peyton’s heart. I won’t stand for it!!!
  • ANYWAY…. After 2 back-to-back losses, the Texans crushed the ever-weakening Titans to sit atop the AFC South. Thank the football gods for Arian “I’m a Muthafuggin Monster” Foster’s 115yds and 2 TDs! o/
  • Meanwhile, Titan’s Chris Johnson, w/ only 18yds for 10 carries, had the nerve to say, “I wouldn’t say I’m the issue.” Yeah, if I were being booed by fans I guess I wouldn’t announce how worthless I was either. I’d play the “bad O-line” victim too. #NinjaHaveASeat… #OnMyFantasyBench…
  • Remember how last week I actually lost my damn mind and defended Norv because it seemed he’d grown a set and stood up to Bully Rexy, thinking he’d use this as fuel to the “I want a Championship” fire?? I TAKE IT ALL BACK! FIRE HIS NO WINNING ASS RIGHT NOW!!! DO YOU HEAR ME, ALEX SPANOS?!?! FIRE NORV! AND AJ SMITH WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!!
  • *waits for blood pressure to come back down*
  • Before I continue in on my own team, I gotta give props to Plaxico for holding it down for the Jets. He did his thing.
  • Now back to my rant: Bolts up 21-10 at the half and then score zip zilch in the 2nd half? So much for having #5 defense who make the likes of Nacho look like a star QB in the 2nd half. And WTF is Philip smokin on to be so off these days? I just… *sigh* I give up.1 ¯(-_-)/¯
  • Speaking of giving up, did the Raiders decide that scoring points was overrated?
  • I mean, why make the Chefs have to cook up a W when Boller and Palmer can just give them back the ball (each with 3 INTs)?
    • sportsguy33 The Raiders just offered 2 first round picks for Joe Flacco.
  • On the subject of Flacco, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED ON MONDAY?! Jags defense son’d the hell outta Waka Flacco Flame(d Out).
  • Jags Maurice Jones-Drew hit his dougie all over the NFL’s best defense with 105 yds. Impressive, Sir! *tips hat*
  • You know what wasn’t impressive? The Seahawks @ Browns game. I had to do a double take and wipe my eyes to see a combined total of 9 points scored. (O_O) #nobueno
  • Seahawks QB Charlie Whitehurst only threw for 97 yds. Damn. Well, I guess it could have been worse… *looks at McNabb’s numbers against my Bolts earlier this season*
  • Speaking of McNabb failures, Chris Ponder stepped in for Minny against GB and actually wasn’t terrible! He kept the game close, damn close.
  • Didn’t expect to see the undefeated Pack have to put up such a fight against such a weak team. I mean, the twitter-verse definitely pondered over what would happen if Ponder got the W over the Pack (<–see what I did there? LOL). Minds all over the nation would have been BLOWN.
    • Trai_O If Christian Ponder wins this game, he’ll not only get a parade, but be offered any MN woman he wants…including Gov. Dayton’s wife.
  • In other news, Falcons gave the Lions the business when they handed them their 2nd loss (in a row, at home *smh*) this season.
  • Though I’m on the fence about Atlanta, I was kind of impressed at how well they rallied together to get that dub.
  • Did anyone else peep that finger-tip TD catch that Roddy White caught? Well done!
  • On another note, I gotta wag my finger (word to Stephen Colbert) at sore losers and b*tchassness!! It was reported Lions Ndamukong Suh (and others) taunted Falcons QB Matty Ice when he was laying on the ground in pain with an ankle injury. Oh word? Welp, I guess Matt got the last laugh when he used his bad foot to complete the Lions’ ass kicking. Game. Falcons.
  • Meanwhile, the other Matt (Lions QB) got knocked out with a knee injury. But judging by his rookie performance 2 yrs ago against the Browns, I think he can bounce back from this, easily. #ToughItOut
  • Now, to the most importantly insignificant highlight of the week: the St. Tim TeSus game.
  • I thought maybe I’d entered the twilight zone when I saw NFL.com’s cover page for Monday morning was a picture of The Tebow with the heading “Miracle in Miami”.3 (O_O)
  • The fact that beating a beatable, winless team could be considered anything more than expected is just… beyond all comprehension. Like, do mofos not know what the term miracle means? I mean, perhaps it’s a miracle that Tebow can still walk with so many media-personnel hanging from his “saving for marriage” nut sack but….
  • And to add insult to logic injury, Tim Tebow was nominated for AFC Player of the Week?!? After 55min of “I don’t know my ass from a hole in the ground so don’t expect me to know how to get a 1st down” performance?!?!?! GIVE ME A F#&$*%G BREAK!!!! This media darling crown of thorns that has been bestowed upon Tebow is getting mighty ridiculous.4 And I won’t stand for it, I say!!! *shakes fist*
  • Here are just a few things from this season I think can be considered more miraculous than Tebow’s win: the Lions and the Bills  have more wins than losses; Nacho has twice as many TDs than INTs; McNabb is actually in the middle of the pack as far as QB ratings go; Megatron is human; Andy Reid has not been adopted by Sea World; Norv Turner is still employed; there haven’t been any major drug/weapon scandals with the players. I could go on….
  • ProFootballTalk’s recap of the Broncos game captures the ludicrousness (no DTP) of it all.
    • edthesportsfan TEBOW KICKED THE GAME WINNING FIELD GOAL THE DENVER TEBOWS WIN AT HOME IN MIAMI

Did I miss anything? Does anyone know why all the MNF teams/match-ups have been completely and utterly uninteresting (my team’s upcoming game included)?? Am I being too harsh on The Tebow? Any predictions on teams that might make comebacks?

Waiting for the Tebow media frenzy to die,
~Gem, the [now] Anti-Tebow Bandwagoner

———
1 Seriously, I give up. I have no hope in my team in the hands they are in. Head coach and GM changes need to be made before this franchise implodes. I will always support them, but I don’t believe they can be great under the current leadership. *shrug*
iDIED when I saw “pi”!!!!!!!!!! I <3 nerds, boyyyyyyy.
3 As soon as I find the screenshot I took of it, I’ll post it.
4 Move over Nacho, there’s a new mediocre QB to be unjustly praised.

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7 Comments

  • Reply Wu Young October 28, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    You are not being too harsh on Tebow. I’m sure he’s a great guy but he can’t play dead in a cowboy movie. He speaks to a certain aspect of our society, mainly right-wing evangelicals, who see him as the atypical NFL player. The notion is bunk because there are probably more than a few “good guys” around. I would say Drew Brees but he just facilitated the murder 53 unarmed men but stabbing them repeatedly with an adamantium spork.

    The Raiders should have kept Boller in the game regardless of his suck. Palmer reportedly only knew 15 plays.

    I haven’t watched a MNF game in a while. Somehow the Gags have another Monday night same. Last week was a horrible weekend for football.

    • Reply gemmieboo October 28, 2011 at 6:11 pm

      He speaks to a certain aspect of our society, mainly right-wing evangelicals, who see him as the atypical NFL player.
      hadnt thought of it like that but you are DEAD ON!

      I would say Drew Brees but he just facilitated the murder 53 unarmed men but stabbing them repeatedly with an adamantium spork.
      (-_-) it hurts soooo much more when you put it like that *weeps for my boo*

      Last week was a horrible weekend for football.
      word.

  • Reply miss t-lee October 28, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Yep I was thoroughly entertained to see the mollywhopping that my Texans put up on the Titans. Deep down inside I’m still hella salty that the Oilers up and moved. B*tches! So I was happy to see the W. As far as Suh is concerned, as much as I dig ol’ boy and his beasty playing style, he’s gotta chill. We don’t need another Bill Romanowski. You don’t gotta be dirty, just for dirt sake mayne. Just play your game.

    • Reply gemmieboo October 28, 2011 at 6:18 pm

      haha the Oilers. smh, the move didnt help any smh.

      i agree with you on Suh. all the extra shenanigans are so unnecessary. let your stats do all the talkin. no need to act like a douche bag, its not cute.

  • Reply ny2va October 28, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    ALL HAIL KING TEE-BUS!
    TEE-BUS SAVES!
    TEE-BUS IS THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIGHT!

    I’m not a Tebow fan, but I love making Tee-bus references. What I find incredible is how the media doesn’t shit on him the way the shat on Mike Vick when he came into the league and Mike was WAY better.

  • Reply Wu Young October 28, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    @ny2va

    I always thought that Mike Vick had it too easy when he came into the league. Nike and most of the Four-letter networks staff over-hyped Mike. He was fun to watch but he was equally maddening. Mike can also play circles around Tee-Bus in all aspects of the game. Both guys bring a certain type of entitlement to the field. Vick’s is based on athleticism and untapped talent but he has strayed from that and Tee-bus’s entitlement is based on “will”.

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    […]Gem’s NFL (No Freakin Lockout) Week 7 Recap « That's What GEM Said[…]…

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