Gem’s NFL (No Freakin Lockout) Week 3 Recap

September 29, 2011

"This win goes out to you, you, and especially YOU, Gemmie Boo."

This week, doe?!?!?! *wall slides* I shouldn’t be wall sliding in week 3.

The Recap

  • 12 of the 16 games were one possession games!!!! Too many nail biting moments of truth!!! I might don’t make it if every week is like this!
  • But let’s cut right to the chase–the band of randoms1 better known as the Buffalo Bills (who were 4-12 last season, need I remind you) brought down the mighty New England Patriots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does victory dance in my seat*
    • @ATeam1Up: Twitpic ur face Patriot fans…*ray j voice*
  • No, I’m not claiming to be a bandwagon fan of the Bills. But I am a Billiever. Fitzpatrick finally has his team together and their currently undefeated record is NOT a fluke (IMO). I definitely think they’ll win 8 games this season. #yeahisaidit
  • You know what I won’t say? That Dolphin’s Jason Taylor is NOT a douche bag. Jason, no one cares that you think  Chad Henne’s more talented than my boy Nacho. Your team is 0-3, you haven’t started in any of those games, and you pass yourself around from team to team like your name is Kim K. Just STFU and spend your time actually being a contributing member of the team.
  • As for Nacho, he literally got bodied (and bloodied) against the Raiders. Nonetheless he still played better this week than last. Maybe he needs a good kick in the pants every now and then.
  • Meanwhile, Raiders head coach Hue Jackson lookin like a straight up pimp in his too-pin-striped suit during his post-game interview. Sir…. white people do not allow such foolery. Please don’t ever do that again!
  • Anyway, getting back to bodied QBs–Michael “what is a pocket and why should I use it?” Vick. He just came back from a concussion and now he’s got a broken hand? It’s becoming more clear to me he doesn’t value life, be it his or a canines. #ijs
  • But you know what’s oddly comical about Vick playing with a concussion? The Eagles asked Vince “5pt Wonderlic” Young to assess Vick for concussion symptoms!!! *falls out* Clearly cognitive functioning, or brain use in general,  is not one of Young’s strengths. Remind me how he’s qualified to play doctor, again… (-_-) Do better Eagles coaching staff.
  • On the other side of the field, Eli did his thing! 254 yds and 4 TDs. That’s the Eli I need to see reppin for the Mannings while my boo is out… *weeps for my boo*
  • Speaking of my boo, the 8 camera shots of him up in the booth during the 2nd half of the Steelers v Colts game were PRICELESS. I don’t read minds but I’m pretty sure most of the time Peyton was thinking, COME THE F&%K ON, SON!
  • That said, the Kerry Collins/Kurt Painter awkward QB tag team didn’t do too bad. They almost won on the poor decision making of Steeler’s offense alone–making a prime example of “this is how not to play against a team you think you can be” out of the Steelers. SMDH.
    • @joesimtre: David Garrard told me to remind everyone that his phone still works.
    • @soulonice6: The Curtis Painter Era has begun.
    • @nathanjames09: 3 turnovers…and now a missed field goal. Do niggas just watch porn and beat thier dicks in practice…WTF??
  • While we’re on the subject of teams who almost lost to teams they should have creamed, my Bolts barely managed to squeak a win against the sorry azz Chefs. They are being consistent at being inconsistent. Small victories, I guess… (o_O)
    • txt #1 from my bro: “Rivers is doing a great impression of Halle Berry’s role in new jack city. That’s how bad he’s HOEING the fuck up!!!!!” … me: i. hate. you.
    • txt #2 from my bro: “game over unless Rivers puts on his clear heels instead of his cleats” … me: *dead*
  • While we’re talking about porn, did any one else know about the “Booty Lounge“–a bus that functions as a strip club outside Ford Field during Lions home games–in Detroit?? LMBO! Now that’s what I call tailgating!! Owww!! *body rolls*
  • I think the Booty Lounge boosts the morale of the city and the team, who is 3-0!! I hope the city doesnt hastily shut down the mobile strip club. I mean, what else is there besides titties and tackling? *shrug*
  • In unrelated news, some one please tell me why I drafted Chris Johnson to my fantasy team. Don’t worry, I’ll wait… He’s TRASH right now. His 2.1 yd per carry (46 carries for 98 yds) is, quite frankly, an embarrassment to his profession, and more importantly, my fantasy team (Gemmie’s Womb Shifters). Stop tweeting about fixing the damn problem, AND FIX IT!! Ya no rushing, Tyrese spellin, hard on the eyes lookin bastard…
  • Lastly, what can be said about the age-old “Cowboys & Indians” matchup that hasn’t already been said?? I think these folks said it best:
  • While I acknowledge Tony Romo (my 2nd favorite Mexican2 in the league) came through in the clutch, carried his team on his back, and pulled out a W…. I feel like that’s his job. *shrug* I have no interest in giving him special recognition for being a good QB when everyone around him is effing up. Am I wrong or is that what he’s getting paid good money to do? #ijs

The Fan Fare

What’s YOUR fave thing about the NFL, besides the actual game??

Charles said: Right, wrong or otherwise, Fantasy Football has TOTALLY changed the way that I watch football.  I could care less about the NFL Draft, but my fantasy league draft is life! The best thing about it is that everyone’s “expertise” is on display and you get to match wits with the backdrop of the game we all love.

Teesh said: #1 is probably the shit talking between the fans of rival teams, and the shit talking between NFL fans across the board, period. Every week, I know that I’ll be getting phone calls, texts or tweets from folks who hate my team(s) and want to see them fail. Of course, I return the favor too. #2 men with nice bodies, in tight pants. That’s what I call a win-win.

Did I miss anything? What are some of your favorite highlights from this past week? Any predictions for next week’s games? Lastly, raise your hand if your team is 3-0! *keeps hand down* Whatever.

Until next week, sports fans!
~Gem, the Billiever

1 “band of randoms” meaning half the active roster is made up of undrafted players.
2 Yes, for those of you who still don’t know, Tony Romo is half Mexican. Shocking I know. But it’s true.

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  • Reply Wu Young September 30, 2011 at 12:25 am

    Jason Taylor was in the league when I was in high school…take from that what you will.

    “Sir…. white people do not allow such foolery. Please don’t ever do that again!”
    Have you seen what his boss wears? Al comes to work in white leather jumpsuits and wears Gazelles in lieu of Ray-Bans. (Honestly, I think Al Davis co-owns a factory with Kim Jung IL that only makes jump suits and ugly sunglasses.

    Anyway I’m glad to see the Raiders playing solid ball again. Them and the Ravens seem to be some of the few teams interested in playing physical football. I watched Stephan Wisknewski knocking Bart Scott on his a** leading the way for a touchdown several times. #cantwait.

    I couldn’t watch MNF. Too many field goals. Romo has earned my respect though.

    Kerry and Curtis painter are Indy’s worse qbs since Jeff George.

    I smile when I see Tom Brady frowning after a loss. Bill von Doom his coach always frowns so it is what it is.

    Eli looked like Peyton… Kinda. -I saw you miss that tackle on Victor Cruz too Nnamdi. (The same goes to you Revis. D. Moore just ran by you.)

    • Reply gemmieboo September 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm

      im partly surprised Jason Taylor still has a job to come back to in Miami every other year *shrug*

      Hue is a fool but Al “the Crypt Keeper” Davis is even more of a fool. so i guess they’re a match made in horribly fashioned heaven.

      the Raiders and Ravens are all about physical football and while i hate to see injuries, i like to see some old fashioned hard hitting tackles. its what the game is all about, right?

      i didnt watch much of MNF. even the last quarter was painfully interesting to watch. i couldnt quite turn all the way away. #trainwreckswag

      why is it Indy hasnt done a better job recruiting other QBs? ppl have thrown David Garrard out there (idk if this would be a good fit but it’s worth a try, i guess?). but i feel like there HAS TO BE better alternatives. maybe they really are trying to get Andrew Luck *shrug*

      • Reply Wu Young, Agent of M.E. September 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

        -Taylor should just stop. Go home old man.

        -I like Hue. I’m just hoping after Mr. Davis leaves us that folks like Tim Brown or Howie Long get together and buy the team. If not someone sane.

        -Ravens and Raiders seem to be doing the physical thing the correct way. I hope that trend continues. The lockout did NFL defenses no favors.

        -From what I heard the MNF game was just horrible unless you cared about the Skins or the Cowpolks. I don’t so meh.

        -Indy’s QB problems are self-inflicted. How can you possibly find another QB to run that offense? Peyton is pretty much the offensive coordinator. That mental skill set alone makes him a premium talent. If you could find a back up capable of that he’s not going to stay around long. Indy should have scaled down the playbook and picked up Garrard. If they are going for luck that may be the best fit. Let luck sit and watch and learn from Peyton for a year or two, refit the O-line, and get some more weapons and they could recover.

        It’s been a hell of a seson.

      • Reply gemmieboo September 30, 2011 at 2:13 pm

        i feel you on the Indy QB conundrum. Peyton’s offensive coordinating is other worldly. i just dont understand why they cant scale it down now that he’s not playing. him coaching on the sidelines/in the box is not the same as him calling the plays behind the center. is it really that difficult to re-adjust?? perhaps im underestimating the time/effort necessary to make adjustments.

      • Reply Wu Young, Agent of M.E. September 30, 2011 at 2:31 pm

        I guess some of the problem stems from the fact that their entire system of audibles would have to be adjusted. Honestly, they aren’t that dynamic on offense any more. Clark and Wayne have only grown older and the rest of the skill positions are often injured.

        The playbook revamp is probably difficult. I would have been easier (I think) if a backup QB would have been brought in earlier or the lockout had not lasted so long. College teams have plays for the qb 1 and 2 but I don’t think that’s the case for the NFL.

  • Reply keisha brown September 30, 2011 at 9:43 am

    i heart the NFL.

    but it’s going to age me before my youthful years are over.


    • Reply gemmieboo September 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm

      yeah. i see what the NFL did to my mom. its only a matter of time for me SMDH.

  • Reply DQ September 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    The Eagles slow start has somewhat curtailed the $h!t talking I would so very much like to do on FB to my friends who have the misfortune of being fans of the Cowboys or the Redskins.

    Our O-Line might as well be out there with matador capes. Sigh.

    • Reply gemmieboo September 30, 2011 at 2:11 pm


    • Reply Wu Young, Agent of M.E. September 30, 2011 at 2:32 pm

      The Eagles O-line is still better than Chicago’s. Cutler #mightdontmake it.

      • Reply DQ September 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm

        I haven’t followed anything about Chicago except that punt return… the phantom holding call… and the fact that they should have waited to use that trick later on this year

    • Reply keisha brown September 30, 2011 at 2:49 pm

      funny thing is i follow a large amount of eagles fans…and most of us weren’t talking smack.

      if anything, we cringed each time we were mentioned, because we KNEW that if we failed to match hype/expectations…it would be on like donkey kong.

      • Reply Wu Young, Agent of M.E. September 30, 2011 at 2:52 pm

        I think Vince Young was the only one talking. All of the Eagles fans that I know were quiet. Hopeful but quiet.

      • Reply keisha brown September 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm

        i prefer to dougie afterwards, not before. lol.

      • Reply DQ September 30, 2011 at 3:21 pm

        I don’t usually talk smack either, but it’s the NFC east… they hate you, you hate them… you don’t even have to say “your team ain’t $h!t” its almost implied merely by playing in the same division.

      • Reply keisha brown September 30, 2011 at 4:08 pm

        @DQ: lol. true.

        i dont really have a hatred..more of a deep dislike. mostly for dallas. they are NOT america’s team. and the amount of ‘passes’ Romo gets for constantly FAILING and being the EXACT cause of FAILURE?? is just beyond baffling.

        ok. maybe i am a hater. 😉

    • Reply Wu Young, Agent of M.E. September 30, 2011 at 2:50 pm

      From the way the Maginot line is protecting Cutler the Bears may not have many games that actually matter to use the punt trick in.

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