Today I remembered that I am fulfilled. Today I remembered that I love and am loved. Today I remembered that I want for nothing. Today I remembered that I am whole. Today I celebrate this bliss, this win because the memory of how it felt to be broken was fresh on my mind just a week ago.
The other day I was watching the Love and Hip Hop Hollywood season 2 premiere. Hollywood is the newest addition to the LHH franchise. And while I find the cast to be a tad washed and boring, I was interested to see how the show would fare with the addition of a Black gay male producer and his closeted, aspiring rapper Black male lover. (Spoiler alert: this gay story line is terribly predictable and over-hyped and will probably end up being the least entertaining thing about this season)
On a recent hike, a friend of mine was telling me about his family and was particularly animated and passionate when he described the men in his life – his father and uncles. He told me about their hustles and grinds to create and take advantage of various opportunities in order to build their careers and provide for their families. Their work ethic undoubtedly influenced the man he was and the type of life he was working to have for the family he would one day start.
My mind often (always?) feels cluttered. Crowded with many thoughts. Creating traffic jams up and down the information highways of my brain. Neural systems putting in overtime processing and planning. Recalling, replaying, reminding, reconsidering. In need of parking garages to be stored, with spaces neatly marked to find when a return is necessary.
Most people say your 30s are better than your 20s. And that the 40s are are even better than the 30s. I’m only a solid year and some change in, but I am undoubtedly enjoying my 30s. I’m definitely more self aware and responsible than I was in my 20s, but that’s to be expected. Our brains aren’t even fully developed until we’re half way through our 20s. Though most of us take on our fair share of adult responsibilities and indulge in the numerous privileges afforded adult humans, we’re also still in our adolescent risk taking, impulsive, and oooh-oooh-look-at-me stage. That’s just how our biology works, it’s what prepares us for fa real fa real adult shit… like achy bones and memory loss.