dating + love

Being on HuffPost Live & Revisiting Romance

September 24, 2012

“You are the perfect verse over a tight beat.” BEST. LINE. EVER.

Author’s note: Brown Sugar (pictures above) is one of my favorite movies in life. I know it front and back. The quickest way to Gem’s heart is through these movie quotes. #Thatisall

If you hadn’t heard me talk about it on twitter/facebook, I was recently a guest on HuffPost Live for a segment entitled, “Back to Reality.” Big time!! Guests were brought together to discuss a new study that found that commitment is harder for those who watch TV romances and whether fictional relationships give people unrealistic expectations about their actual love lives?

Yours truly was asked to be part of the discussion because one of the associate producers, Kat, read my post, “I Believe In Movie Romance“!!!! SUPER awesome, right?? Y’all know I love me a good (or bad lol) rom com and I crave romance like a fat kids craves Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey so I couldn’t say no. I had a busy day that day but I made time to weigh in.

So here are a few of my thoughts about being on the show and about fiction vs real romance.

The Show:

  • I never think of my blog being read by people who don’t know me. Most of my readers, that I’m aware of, I know (in real life or through the web). So it’s so DOPE to a) have some one I don’t know say they read my blog and b) be asked to be part of something as a result of said blog reading. I was humbled and geeked at the same *damn* time!
  • I LOVE The Huffington Post and was excited when my beau told me about them starting HuffPost Live. But I’ve never seen a show!! I’m usually too busy at work1. I just get recaps from the beau when he watches. It was weird to be on a show I’d never watched but always had an interest in.
  • HuffPost Live was great and very helpful with getting me set up for the show. My computer and/or headphones hate me so it was a big pain in the rear setting up. I had to literally phone in to listen/speak for the show. But it’s great the show worked with me to have everything set up (phone + webcam). Technology sucks and is awesome simultaneously lol.
  • Didn’t know any of the other guests but everyone seemed cool and had interesting/fun insight about the topic. Shout outs to Billy Mernit – Author/Rom Com Script Writer (@mernitman), Jeremy Osborn – Author (@JeremyOsborn15), Marcia Sirota – Psychiatrist (@rcinstitute), and Pritesh Shah – Actor/Comedian (@FunnyShah)2. I thought this was a good mix of opinions and backgrounds. Well done, HuffPost!

Romance Revisted:

  • I had no idea there were so many women who use RomComs as dating manuals. WHAT?!?! Like, there are grown people who exist on this planet that measure their life to what’s on TV. (O_O) Am I an alien? I appreciate a good romance story, but I don’t think that’s ever hindered my ability to have level-headed expectations in relationships.
  • Do we need to treat these women like we do kids and cartoons?? Tell them that that’s not real life and if they attempt to imitate it they will undoubtedly get hurt/disappointed.
  • For the record, I don’t think TV/movie romance is unrealistic – I just know it’s not real life. I don’t think it’s reasonable to EXPECT your life to play out like some fiction, with all the bells and whistles but none of the dents or dings. When I say I believe in movie romance, I believe in what it represents – expressing your love without inhibition.
  • I don’t think fiction necessarily owes their audience a “realistic” view of love and romance. I’m entertained by fantasy. I like a story where the guy gets the girl and goes through some foolishness to do so. For some people, it will never matter how “real” you portray relationships – they are still going to try and compare their lives to some one else , be they real or fake. I see people everyday try to be like the Huxtables or Obamas – STOP.  Those people couldn’t find reason with Google maps.
  • Some rom coms are full of drama I would NEVER want to happen to me. Person A does something really stupid or effed up to Person B and has to do X, Y, Z to get Person B back. Romance is often the last result to make up for some fuckery. I don’t need all that crap for you to do something “romantic”. I’m good.
  • There’s also some rom coms out that deal with the “real” in relationships, especially AFTER getting the girl/guy. I recently watched Friends With Kids and it showed the ugly side of having a marriage with kids. It was so real! Funny and sad all together lol 🙁 Good movie!
  • As I tried to iterate on the show, I think it’s completely possible to have reasonable expectations of your mate without trying to be a real life Jennifer Anniston character. ‘Cuz in real life Jen got dumped… for us all to see! That’s neither here nor there. Point is – my love life doesn’t look like any romantic work I’ve ever seen/read, but I’m very happy with the love I have – it’s awesome!
  • Romance doesn’t guarantee a happy or healthy relationship. Romance cannot and should not replace love, respect, honesty and loyalty. If you’re a person who desires romance, you have the right to request it and expect it from your mate. But I think it should be considered an accessory – something that enhances a relationship. Not having it doesn’t diminish the foundation.
  • Along those lines, having romance doesn’t mean you won’t have rubbish. My beau is awesome and he can be very romantic – iSwoon regularly. But on occasion we get on each others nerves and upset each other (usually unintentionally lol). We have the good and the bad, it’s normal. It’s real.
  • Romance is what you make it. I don’t think romance has to be like in works of fiction – which is usually over the top and many times criminal (as was pointed out on the show lol). I think romance can be as simple a good morning text, a hand-written love letter, flowers “just because”, an impromptu foot rub, setting the DVR for your favorite show when you’re working late, etc. Those things are all expressions of affection and desire – and that’s what romance is all about. Woo me with a foot rub and a love letter and we go together FOR LIFE. #donedeal
  • Lastly, women can and should be romantic too. Now, this may not apply if you and yours don’t care about romance. But for those of us that do, we should give and receive…  *ahem* in all things. I can’t assert that I’m romantic in real life – you’d have to ask habibi – but in my head I stand for this LOL.

Did I miss anything? I know we kind of exhausted this topic in the post about movie romance, but do you have anything else to add? Did you hear anything on the show that stuck out to you?

Happy Monday! Love on somebody today 🙂
~Gem, the rising internet star

1 And by too busy I mean I have a new job and I don’t want to get caught bullsh*tting the day away too much. In the future I may be bold enough to just go for it.
2 Dude is funny AND fine!! He needs a good woman who isn’t crazy. If I wasn’t taken by an awesome fellow, I would so try to holla LOL #notkidding.

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  • Reply Marcia September 24, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Spot on.. And Pritesh?? I think after that segment he definitely would find a good not crazy woman – if not… HOLLA!!

  • Reply madscientist7 September 24, 2012 at 10:30 am

    on the subject of women needing to be more romantic. a lot of women think they’re romantic in their heads but in reality they sit back with lofty expectations while expecting to wined, dined and swept off their feet. this goes back to the original premise of women expecting what they see in movies. it happens. a lot. but not just with romance. there are a lot of people who compare their lives to things they see on television or in movies. i’m glad that you have the wherewithal to decipher between fantasy and reality. 🙂

    • Reply gemmieboo September 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

      i think communication is important here. you gotta tell your partner what you want and where you think they could improve in the “romance” department. its a 2-way street, both partners have to express themselves and be willing to do their part

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