dating + love

Men, Please Just…. Don’t: 5 Dating No-No’s

September 1, 2010

I had such high hopes for him…

As I mentioned at the beginning of the summer, I was gearing up for a season of hot first (and second and third) dates. I even compiled a list of things that I would do to make sure I brought my A-game to the [literal and figurative] table. I’m proud to say I have been adhering to everything on that list–getting in shape (with a brief hiatus from the gym lol), dressing to impress, keeping the hands and feet on point, consulting with friends, and always being open for a new adventure. If I do say so myself, your girl Gemmie has been on point! *pats self on back*

Yet, sadly, I can’t say the same about some of the brothas I’ve been out with *smh*. The first few dates with some one new should be a time where you’re putting your best foot forward and making positive, long-lasting impressions to secure even more time with the person. Or do I live in an alternate universe where this rule only applies to me? Or maybe I just attract men who usually court women with low standards? Or maybe these dudes just don’t realize how lame their game is (which would be a damn shame if it were true)? *shrugs*

So as an act of public service, I’m going to highlight things that grown behind men do that are just unacceptable on the first [few] dates and need to be avoided…

  1. Using text as primary mode of communication. Setting the details of your date is not to be done via text. Pick up the phone and DIAL for some voice-to-voice interaction. Many things are lost in translation through text so why risk the miscommunication? Besides, save asking (via text) “Where do you work?” or “What do you like to do for fun?” for the date.
  2. Lacking initiative. If you’re really interested in dating a woman, don’t beat around the bush and play the text game chitter-chatter. If you say you want to take a woman out, propose a date time and place (or a few suggestions) and eliminate a lot of back and forth brainstorming. Women (like me) generally like a man with a plan and takes charge. Don’t worry, if you go too far we’ll let you know fa sho.
  3. Waiting for your date in the car. Calling your date to say, “Uh yeah, I’m outside” is NOT a good look. It’s lazy. There’s really no good excuse not to walk to her door to pick her up. Unless she lives in South Central L.A., your parked car will likely be there when you get back. And for a gold star (and a smooch), walk her to her door after the date.
  4. Texting during dinner. Rude and inconsiderate, period. Show some class and respect. And if it’s absolutely necessary to be on your phone (there aren’t usually many good reasons), excuse yourself.
  5. Getting lit. I think hard liquor/mixed drinks should be avoided on a first date (stick to wine or a bottle/glass of beer) but if you just really need to take the edge off, limit yourself to one drink. Being inebriated on a first date isn’t cute. And if you can’t stand your date sober, you’re in trouble.
  6. Admitting to being a Laker/Kobe fan.

I feel like ALL of these things should be NO BRAINERS, yet and still I manage to run into dudes who manage to commit these dating fouls and appear to have no clue. While some guys get offended when I point this out to them (how ya gon’ do better if ya don’t know better?), some guys actually seem appreciative for being made aware they dropped the ball and didn’t make the greatest first impression. I’m all about educating the slow and simple oblivious. Besides, these aren’t necessarily deal breakers for me–I’m willing to allow a man to try again and improve his dating skills.

Ladies, have I left anything out? Are any of these dating no-no’s deal breakers for you? Fellas (if you are even reading lol), what are some things that women do on dates that they have no business doing?

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8 Comments

  • Reply MsEsquire77 September 1, 2010 at 11:52 am

    I've never had issues with 3-6 but 1 and 2 are in full force in the DMV!!I think that (some) women have come to accept foolishness so there are (some) men who function at that level because they've been allowed to get away with it. If women don't raise the standard why should men? I'm a medium-maintenance chick so I don't require flowers, fancy dinners or elaborate dates but I DO require phone communication and common courtesy. At bare minimum treat me with the same respect you give to your friends/family. I don't have a problem making the initial approach but after that you need to pursue me in a way that denotes real interest. If not, I delete your info from my phone and keep it moving.

  • Reply Tunde September 1, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    i think your list is on point. the only one i think i would be guilty of is texting or using my phone at the table. then again i would never do that on a first date. or even the first couple of dates. you shouldn't have crossed out number 6. i'm the #1 laker hater. lol i agree. when you first date a person you should try to put your best foot forward. who really calls and says i'm outside? how can you open up the car door for her? this same dude probably didn't pull out your chair either. smh rookies

  • Reply thatdamnafrican September 1, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Great list, Gem. I can't say that I have trouble with any of those things, thankfully. #2 is probably the thing that I hear my female friends complain about the most.I'm as confused as Tunde about guys who don't walk to their date's door when picking her up and dropping her off. Rookies, indeed.

  • Reply Gem of the Ocean September 1, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    @MsEsquire77 women with low/no standards are def to blame for some of the nonsense men get away with. which is why im all too happy to let a brotha know when hes being outta order. and like you, it doesnt take much to keep me interested. as long as we can converse and get to know each other, im good. @Tundeid definitely (o_O) the hell outta you for texting on a date lol. but id shower you with affection for being a fellow laker hater!! *high five* as for #3, yeah its a damn shame. i recently had to let a dude know that was his WORST move. *smh* i cant wait to have sons to raise them RIGHT.@thatdamnafricani think most men raised outside of pgh suffer from these problems lol. its somethin in the water here, i tell ya *smh* i gotta get outta here, im starting to think im crazy for having high expectations for dates *facepalm*

  • Reply Cheekie September 1, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    "Besides, these aren't necessarily deal breakers for me–I'm willing to allow a man to try again and improve his dating skills."Yes. I mean it depends on how many other no-nos he has committed, but I wouldn't call em dealbreakers either. Especially if he racked up points in other areas. But, yeah, I agree, they need to know it's not cool. They ain't gonna know you worth it until you show 'em. *snaps in Z-formation* It's amazing, though, how many cats (even TRUE grown folks cats…like even out their dayum 20s) still think this is okay. Lawd…

  • Reply Sukez September 3, 2010 at 7:33 am

    I liked your list a lot. The initiative and texting ones kill me because not only is texting me about the 1st date an insult, now EVERYTHING IS UP TO ME. Where are we going? "I dunno, it's up to you" What do you wanna do? "Whatever you want?I get so turned off. 🙁 I wanna go on a REAL date. If a man walks me to my door and gives me a kiss b4 and after the date, I'm going to be the happiest lady in Albany for the week… hell, depending on whether or not there's a 2nd, 3rd, umpteenth date, happiest for the month! Year!Great post 🙂

  • Reply Gem of the Ocean September 3, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    @cheekiesome guys def rack up points in other areas (which is why im willing to work with them on their transgressions). others? not so much. some men honestly dont have a clue what it means to be a gentleman (lack of parental training?) and dont see that their missteps show a lack of consideration. so im all for pointing these things out–most men are pretty receptive. @sukezi HATE being the one to have to plan a date. i am the kind of woman who prefers to be pursued by a man–which means he needs to take the primary initiative in setting up the courting outings. ive cut plenty of guys off before even getting to know them because of their lack of initiative. and yes, a perfect gentleman puts a smile on my face and has me running to brag about him to all my girls and coworkers 🙂

  • Reply Naturally Alise September 10, 2010 at 12:42 am

    I can NOT deal with the texting or phone calls on a date. It is the pinnacle of rudeness and gives me the impression that he does not find me interesting enough to give his undivided attention for a few hours. LAME.

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